Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I just cut my nipple shaving
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize