Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
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pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
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you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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