she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
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Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
They took my balls.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
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