I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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