I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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