if you like me you must not know who I am
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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