I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize