Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
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you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
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I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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