I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
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I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
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I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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