hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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