Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
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we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
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Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
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