wat bout pragnant strippers??
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize