I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
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definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
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I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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