I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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