i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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