I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
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