She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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