Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
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We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
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Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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