Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize