Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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