he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
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The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
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I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
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