Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize