if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
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thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
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Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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