i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
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bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
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I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
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