If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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