did you get engaged???
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
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I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
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Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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