He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
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