hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I need moral support for this bender
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize