When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
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