So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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