I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
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I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
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An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
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