my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
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My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
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I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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