there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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