How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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