If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
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Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
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My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize