I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize