I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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