we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
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My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
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He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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