HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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