That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
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