I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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