Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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