I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
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Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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