You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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