glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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