So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
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Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
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You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Two words: nipple clamps
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