i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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