I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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