It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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