She is in my trunk
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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